There's No Perfect Life.

In our life, there will always be one or two areas that will need fixing up now and then. There will always be an area with a certain percentage of lack. There will always be an area with a flaw. Because there's no perfect life.

Today, I just want to lift up my gratitude to God - because the area of my life that is experiencing lack is an area that I can easily manage. Looking at my life right now, I realize that there's really just one area here that needs fixing up every now and then: the financial area.

This comes to mind because today is that time of the month again, with expenses piling up and with barely enough to get me through until the next payday. In the past, I used to feel bad about a lot of things every time problems like this would crop up - I'd feel bad about the big responsibility that is placed on my shoulder and the seeming unfairness of it all. I would feel bad about the feeling that I'm carrying the burden by myself without anybody to share it with.

Today, though, I just want to be thankful that this is the only area of my life that is flawed, the only area in which there is lack. I am thankful that the other, more important areas of my life are blessed, if not perfect.

So yes, there is no perfect life. But, I believe that the kind of imperfect life that God gives us is exactly the one that will mold us into the individual that God has always planned us to become right from the start. So, yes, thank You, Lord, for my imperfect life.

Our Fear Tells Us Something About Ourselves.

It tells us that we're out of our safe zone. It helps us determine which things are beyond our control, and which aspects of our personality still need growth. In a way, it also helps us realize the things that we value and the things that are important to us.

So while fear is crippling, at the end of every fearful episode, there is learning. And if only for that, we should be thankful of our fear.

Once In A While, We Need To Get Out Of Ourselves...

... And look at the world from the point of view of another person.

Only then can we understand that individual.

And by doing this, we can save ourself from unnecessary pain and anger. Because it will be easier to understand. And accept. And love.

Thank you Lord for showing me this. You're the best!

It's Okay To Be Weak.

It's okay to let go. 

It's okay to admit that we can't do it alone every time. 

It's okay to depend on others once in a while. 

It's okay to allow others to take care of us now and then.

I used to have a hard time dealing with this, because I'm really not comfortable asking for help. I'm not good at asking for favors. I don't want to bother people, and I don't want to cause inconvenience to anybody. I also hate the feeling of being indebted to people... Yes, I'm not good at receiving. I have no problem giving, but I have a hard time receiving. I still need a lot of practice to be a graceful receiver.

I have to admit, though, that it can be hard. Not only because of the fact that I really can't do everything on my own, but also because I seem to send out a message to people that I don't need them in my life - I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I've experienced this many times in the past, that I seem to intimidate people and close the door to them, and so they just walk away.

This comes to mind now because right now, I'm actually in a situation in which I need help. I've been physically sick since yesterday, not sure what the problem is but I don't feel well. And yeah, ordinary days, I would simply ignore this, not tell anybody that I'm sick and that I probably need their help.

This time, though, I've allowed myself to let go for a while and to allow others to take care of me. And yeah, it feels good. It was a blessing. And I'm greatly thankful to my friend who looked after me and comforted me at the office while I was sick, and to my housemates who are continuously taking care of me now.

Thank you, Lord, for sending angels my way.

P.S.

I realize now, that by allowing myself to depend on others, I also give others the chance to help. I do not only do something good for myself, but I also do something good for them. I'm not only helping myself; I'm also helping them.

THANK YOU! :)

The People Who Are Important To Us Will Always Affect Us.

Funny, the title of this post is supposed to be "We Choose The People Who Affect Us." 

It's supposed to be an attempt at reprimanding myself for allowing someone's actions to affect me and determine my mood. It's supposed to be a piece that would convince me to see things more rationally and to maintain some form of control over my emotions.

But yeah, it was a failed venture. I couldn't find the right phrases and words to say. I couldn't find a convincing enough point to prove what I wanted to prove.

And when I looked more closely into the matter, it all came down to this: we really don't have total control when it comes to choosing the people who will affect us. To a certain point, maybe we have, but there will always be a certain area in there that we can't control.

It's mind over matter, yes?

Yes. But, although it's possible for our mind to rule over a big portion of our heart (because this is an issue of the heart, right?), there will always be a small part there that will remain untouched. That small portion there will always be guarded against the mind, refusing to hear reason, always free to feel - no matter how irrational the feelings, no matter how wrong the emotions, or how confusing the results.

It's that small portion that robs us of our ability to have control over the people that we will allow (and not allow) to affect us. That portion of our heart has reason of its own, one that we may not understand at all times, and certainly one that we cannot question.

Right Or Wrong Doesn't Depend On Our Emotions.

Doesn't mean that it feels good, it's already right.

Doesn't mean that it makes us happy, it's the correct choice.

Because feelings can be irrational. They are unstable, and they defy reason. 

Oftentimes, the irrationality of our emotions can cause an internal struggle. So, it's easy to just shut off the mind to forget the chaos and live in peace, and to keep that small voice inside our head from bugging us. But the chaos won't disappear. We can tame the mind for a while, subdue the voice for a moment, but it won't stay silent for long.

Emotions can give up, but reason won't. So no matter how correct everything feels, we shouldn't forget to pay attention to what our mind is telling us - before things get out of control.

Practice Self-Forgiveness.

Forgiving alone is already a challenge in itself, and forgiving oneself is even more difficult (at least in my experience).

It's always the intention that counts, right? Still, no matter how good the intention is, the execution can still mess up. Actions can go awry. And misunderstandings may result.

There've been lots of instances in my life when I feel like I've offended people because I said the wrong words, that what I meant didn't come out right, and so the misinterpretations. Instances like this, I often beat myself mentally afterwards. I would torture myself with accusations that I would not even throw at other people.

It's difficult to be so hard on one's self, but I don't know how one can avoid that. Maybe the principle on forgiving others can apply in the forgiveness of ourselves. Because more than anybody else, it's us who know what our intentions are. And if we know that we don't intend to hurt and offend in the first place, why not let it go?

And yes, even if we have committed a genuine mistake, forgiveness is still called for. After all the repentance is done, forgiveness and moving on must follow.

Lord help me always remember this.

We Are Loved.

Just when we think some people have already moved on with their life and have already forgotten us, something happens that will make us realize that we matter to them, that they care for us, and that we are special in their eyes.

Truly, we are never alone. Somewhere out there, someone cares. Someone thinks of us fondly. Someone treasures a memory of a time spent with us. And someone is blessed because of our presence.

Sometimes, We Have To Stop To Continue.

This is especially important now, as the world is so focused on moving forward, marching onwards, that we often forget where we're going.

In our goal to reach the finish line first, it's so easy to get lost. And the saddest of all? Many of us end up winning, only to realize in the end that the finish line ain't what we really wanted to reach. All we really wanted was something else, a detour during the race, one that we've already passed by and ignored because we were too focused on that yellow line at the end of the road. And so we missed the right way, and it's too late to go back.

We need a momentary pause now and then to help us reassess our goals and understand the direction we're taking. We need silence once in a while to help us realize whether the path that we're treading is the path that leads to the most important things in our life and to the things that really matter. We need to stop, breathe, re-assess our priorities, re-direct our path, and then continue onwards.

Thank you, Lord, for this peaceful and wonderful day.

There's No Perfect Moment When It Comes To Reaching Our Dreams.

There will always be difficulties. There will always be doubt. There will always be fear.

There is no perfect moment to start, because all beginnings are awkward and uncertain. But what's important is that we begin, right now - wherever we are, and whatever our circumstances are.

When it comes to our dreams, only the present matters. Because we don't know if there will be tomorrow. We don't know whether we'll be given another chance to execute all our plans and to put everything in action.

So, like the statement of my favorite preacher, Bo Sanchez, during his talk this morning...

Don’t wait for the perfect moment before you do what you must do. Write that book. Start that project. Build that ministry. Reach for that dream. Just do it!

There's no better moment than now.

When Unsure, Back Off.

(Continued from last post)

After shutting out reason, however, the only other course of action left is to finally listen to it - to listen to what that little voice inside you is saying.

After the quiet and abandon, there's no other recourse but to tackle the issues. To face the reality. To answer the questions. To pick between yes and no, and deal with the maybes and the buts.

There's no easy way where the heart is involved, but it's important never to plunge and dive in when one is unsure. It's hard to drown, especially if you're expected to save the other person who is also drowning.

So if you're unsure and confused, you better back off.

Just Be Quiet.

There are times when you have to stop asking questions.

Yes, it's confusing. 

Yes, it's complicated. 

Yes, things don't seem right. 

Your mind is screaming that you act now and stop it altogether, but all your senses tell you otherwise.

Reason will force you to take control, but there are instances when you have to abandon reason, turn down the volume of the voice inside your mind, and just be quiet.

Let the music of your heart take you to places you've never been before. Let your heart be the compass that will show you the right direction.

For a moment just be quiet... and be free.

All Trials Are Meant To Strengthen.

No trial is meant to bring us down. No hurdle is placed on our path to block us. No problem is designed to pull us under. Trials, hurdles, and problems are all there for a good purpose - to strengthen people and relationships. 

I thank God for all the trials that have been sent my way. I am who I am today because of those. I have reached the level of maturity that I'm in right now because of the experiences that I have encountered. 

And, I especially thank God for the most recent challenge that has been thrown my way, one that made me realize just how deep I can care for a person to the point where I'm willing to do things I wouldn't normally do in other situations. That same trial has also sort of forced me to get out of my safe zone and brave uncertainties, deal with the fearful unknown, in order to save something precious. I wouldn't have known that I am capable of doing such thing, had I not been placed in that situation.

And now, here I am. I felt like I've just matured a little more. I am a better person now because of that situation. And the friendship that I tried to save is stronger now than it used to be.

Thank God for trials.

Sometimes, We Have To Brave It And Just Let It All Out.

No pretense. No beating around the bush. No sugarcoating our words. Just the truth, plain and simple.

It's a risk, yes, because we never know what the outcome will be. It could be the end of everything, or it could be the beginning of something good.

But the best thing about it? We'll be able to walk away from the situation without ghosts of uncertainties haunting us. And then we can begin again.

Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help.

This is another lesson that I am yet to really learn. It's not in my nature to ask help from other people - I prefer to deal with situations on my own and handle problems by myself. That's because I'm not comfortable bothering others, and also because I value my privacy too much.

But while being self-sufficient is a good thing in general, my tendency to refuse to ask help sometimes makes things harder for me. There are issues that are too overwhelming to face by myself, and burdens that are too heavy to carry alone.

I'm actually facing such a problem right now. And because no solution seemed enough or fitting anymore, and I'm actually at a real loss as to what I should do, I decided to finally open up to someone and ask for advice. I talked to my sister.

We've such a different personality. She's younger, but she's bolder. She's "cool" about many things, as she likes to put it, whereas I'm too cautious when dealing with stuff, especially stuff that involve people.

It was a joy just talking to her, because not only was I reaffirmed but also because she made me look at my situation from a different perspective - one that I would not probably consider if I was not able to talk to her.

I felt better just talking, sharing with her the issue that's been eating at me for a few days now. And her practical advice was a huge help. We don't totally agree as to how I should handle some aspects of the problem, but she respects the way I want to go with it and I also respect her opinion.

This is actually the first time I ask her for advice on something like this, and this has made me realize how much I'm missing by refusing to ask for the help of the people around me - especially those who are really close to me like my sis.

And now, I feel like this would be the start of something better. Cheers for sisters!

Sometimes, Being True To Ourself Is More Important Than Being Good.

This is one lesson that I have a hard time learning, probably because being good had been strongly imprinted in my mind when I was growing up. I started out my education in a Catholic school, thus the traditional setting. And even when I entered other schools during the later part of my elementary years, my secondary years, and my days in the university, I looked at being good as a means to secure a safe place inside the classroom. Aside from my intelligence and skill in class, teachers love me because I was kind, polite, nice, obedient, and all those things they teach you to be.

But while those things served me well inside the classroom, I did not realize that the value they cultivated in me would create an inner conflict later on. 

Because I valued being good so much, I also turned into a pleaser - I would always say yes to people and what they ask from and of me. I would always try to accommodate everybody's requests, even if there are times when I don't feel like doing so. I would find myself always saying yes even if the voice inside me is already saying no.

Because of these things, I would often end up frustrated. Several times in my life, I'd also attracted abusers who would take advantage of my weakness - I guess people like these are able to identify an easy victim without any problem.

And for a long time now, I have been struggling with this dilemma. I'm starting to learn how to say no, but I still fail a lot of times. And every time I would succeed and be able to say no, I'd end up guilty. My struggle is an up-and-down process, and it's not easy. I still get disappointed with myself now and then.

But while I get disheartened a lot of times because of this struggle (when I say yes I would feel bad, and when I finally have the courage to say no I'd still end up feeling bad), I am thankful to the people with whom I am able to share this dilemma.

There are at least a couple of such special people in my life right now, friends who understand what I'm going through and who respect and understand my choice during times when I am placed in a situation in which my struggle usually surfaces.

I was with one of them just very recently, and that person has made me realize (again) that more than being right, it is more important that I become true to myself. That aside from being good to others, I owe myself some goodness, too - that I should learn to respect my feelings and the way I see the world. And, I should determine my boundaries so that I can bravely fight for my values and for the things that are truly important to me.

I feel very thankful to these people, for always keeping me focused on what's important and for always reminding me that I should also learn to love myself. Cheers for friendships!

Not All Things Are Easy, And Not All Questions Have Answers.

I feel butterflies in my stomach - not the good ones, though.

---

This lesson can be hard to accept, but I guess this is the only thing that'll really work in my situation right now. So today, I tell myself this:

You can't wait for things, for your desired outcome, to happen without you doing anything. You need to do something. Because no matter how you pretend that everything's alright, you can't escape the hard reality that something is wrong - and it's starting to eat at you. 

See? You're restless and bothered and fearful. The problem won't disappear, no matter how much you wish it to. And things won't go back to normal unless you face the issue head on. 

Deal with the mess today and don't prolong the agony. Because the longer you hold off, the longer and deeper the pain that you will create. Do it now. Do it gently. And do it fast.

Inside my mind, though, is this question: HOW? Nobody told me how to handle this kind of situation.

---

Dear C: I might be hurting you, and I'm sorry. I just don't know how to do this right.

There Are More Important Things Than Telling The Truth.

Such as preserving a friendship. Or refusing to hurt someone we care about.

Because as much as the truth can set us free, it can also change our world in an instant. It can take away the things that are most precious to us. It can cause pain, end relationships, and do all sorts of other evil things. These possibilities make the truth less important. 

Telling the truth ain't always the best choice. Sometimes, we have to allow a lie just so we can save the more important stuff. And then we have to forgive ourselves for that lie.

Life is Complicated.

We don't always get what we want. And just when we think it's already within our reach, it disappears without warning.

The person we love, loves someone else. And the person who loves us, we can't love back.

We can't always say what we want to say, and we need to sugarcoat our words just to get our message across.

We can't be straightforward for fear that we might cause pain, and we end up in an endless game searching for clues, guessing the meaning behind words, putting meaning into words, doubting and hesitating and fearing.

Sucks, right? It does. Sometimes it just does.

But that's actually part of the essence of living. 

Sometimes life doesn't make sense. Sometimes it's a challenge to understand. Most of the time it's complicated. It's not always smooth sailing. But the confusion, the complications, all these are part of the game.

To live life means to experience every moment that there is to experience, to feel every emotion that there is to feel, to travel from the peak of excitement and joy to the depth of frustrations and despair.

Yes, 

life is complicated.

It's fun. 

It's exciting. 

It's awesome.

We Can't Control What Happens To Us, But We Can Control How We React To What Happens To Us.

I've had lots of frustrations in my life, and I realized that many of them are caused by disappointments over failure to control those that I wanted to control - such as other people and the outcome of certain events surrounding me.

And together with this is another realization, that the world is too big and we're but a tiny part of it. How can we expect to control the way it spins? And, the people around us are way too complicated - how can we expect them to think single-mindedly and act according to our will? Now we are not dictators, are we?

Yes, the only thing we can really control are ourselves, the way we behave, and the way we react to situations. Still, I often forget this and end up frustrated, at war not so much with the world and people around me as with myself.

I need to be reminded of this every time:

That people will hurt us. They will offend us. They will anger us. They will do certain things that will violate our rights and values. Sometimes they'll do it intentionally, sometimes they won't.

And we don't have control over these things. The only thing we can control in these situations is our reaction. Do we react according to our impulse, without thinking, and give in to a sudden rush of unbridled emotions? Or do we take some pause and realize that we are in charge of the situation?

Some people will test us. They'll summon every negative element that we have in our body - but should we give in? If we do, we lose control, and we know the consequences. We utter words or do things that we'd regret afterwards.

Today, I pray that I be constantly reminded that although I may not have full control of my emotions - I could get angry or get hurt anytime - I have full control of my actions. May I have the wisdom to always exercise that control to the fullest.

Wherever You Find Happiness, Seize It!

Explore it. Feel it. Enjoy it. And try to make it last.

In our present world, true happiness has already become somewhat more elusive.

I've met people who are so focused on the end, on the future, that they fail to appreciate and enjoy the present. Many often get caught up in their daily schedules that they lose the fun in doing the things that they do. A lot of us follow routinary activities, aim for efficiency, and then fail to understand the meaning behind all those that we aim for. Happiness, indeed, has seemed to escape many because of the fast pace of the life that we live.

It is therefore more important these days for our senses to become more open to happiness, and to instances that bring them.

Imagine riding a jeepney and enjoying the scenery around. You don't care about the time, or being late for work - you don't even look at your watch. You don't care that the jeepney takes a stop every few minutes to pick up additional passengers, or that the driver is driving too slow. You don't think of the chores that you left behind, or the tasks that await you when you arrive at the office. You just savor that moment as you look at the places that you pass by. 

You don't know whether it would be the same the next time you pass by that place while riding a jeepney, and you don't care. You just love what you're seeing and what you're feeling at the moment. And that's what's important - that you're having a great time and you're feeling pretty good about yourself and about the world. 

You don't want the ride to end. No, not just yet. If you could, you'd prolong the ride, tell the driver to keep on driving. But alas, it has to. You've reached your destination and you need to alight and get to work. 

And as you walk towards the elevator, you have that big smile plastered on your face as you remember all that you've seen. You know you'll probably forget all about what you saw once you face the mountain of paperworks waiting for you, but for the moment you just want to savor the feeling. And you greet everybody good morning when you arrive, starting the day with a smile.

Happiness may have become elusive, but not because it has totally disappeared. It's still all around us, only our senses are not always attuned to it - so many things preoccupy us these days. So when a moment like the one I mentioned above comes...

We must seize it, explore it, feel it, enjoy it, try to make it last, and then share the happiness to others if we can.

PRAYER: Lord let me recognize happiness when I see it, and may I not be too preoccupied to savor it.

Our Words Have An Unimaginable Power.

During the past two days, I've been reading a lot about the power of words, how they can bless or curse our lives. I believe in this, although I have not had any remarkable and concrete experience proving that fact, until today...

This day bears witness to the power of words. This morning, I started sick and not feeling well, with an upset stomach, and I have not actually eaten anything since breakfast save for a few sips of water. I was even thinking of going home sometime in the middle of the day to take some rest, but I had so much to do.

Every time I would feel painful cramps in my stomach, I would utter a prayer of affirmation, telling myself that I will be healed, that my stomach won't be upset anymore, and that I will get through the day. I don't know how many times I said that, and every time I would I'd feel better.

Fast forward a few hours, I'm still doing fine. It's two hours before I leave for home, and I'm surviving. And, I have not eaten anything yet - I still feel okay, though. I've won with words!

Words have power, indeed. We only need to use them to our advantage.

We Gotta Take That One Step That Will Start The Miracles We've All Been Waiting To Happen.

Fear is a crippling emotion. It keeps us from doing what we need to do. It paralyzes us and narrows our vision. It blocks out all possibilities and imprisons us in a world of negativity. Fear can keep us from reaching our dreams.

For many years I was battling with fear. For many years, I allowed fear to take over when it comes to reaching my biggest dream, a dream that bloomed when I was still in my university days. A dream whose fire continued to burn even after many years of distraction and straying.

For the past years, every time the year begins, I would include that dream in my list of things to accomplish for the year. But, as the date would near, I would be fearful and would be filled with all sorts of doubt and hesitations - feeling that I'm not ready, that I still have a lot to learn, that I might not succeed. And then I would come up with a perfect excuse to postpone the plan and to put the dream back to sleep. Until four years later, I have not done anything yet.

Today is the fourth year, and I intend to do something this time. They say we must run towards our fear, and that's just what I intend to do. I'll run towards my fear! The appointed date is not  yet too soon, but a while ago I took the first step. It was a simple call, a simple inquiry, but after I did it I felt great. I felt that today is the beginning of many great things yet to come.

For many of us, all we need is that first irreversible step to make all our dreams come true. I did it! And I claim victory in God's name! My dream will be fulfilled!

We Need Courage To Make Things Happen.

Some fears and negative emotions are hard to let go, and our preconceived notion of people can be difficult to change. But, if we allow our fears and hesitations to reign, we'll end up paralyzed in our spot.

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I've resolved to love more this year, but I've discovered that loving comes with many other requirements. It requires opening up more, reaching out more, getting out of our comfort zone, and many other similar things. Because loving isn't only about feeling. More important than ever, it's about taking action.

I've always had a struggle with some of the requirements I mentioned above because of  emotions like fear and doubt, and I found out that having the will and conviction to love more isn't always enough to really succeed. Added to these, I also need to muster a lot of courage and boldness, and to think less of myself, if I am to really love more.

Opening up and reaching out takes boldness, dealing with people takes courage, and preparing to deal with new things takes braveness. These are a must in all endeavors, and they're especially important if we are to love more.

I know I still have a lot to learn when it comes to this. And I still need a lot of courage to overcome many of my fears. With courage, I can make things happen.

It Ain't Always Good, But We Must Press On.

Life isn't perfect, and things do not always go as planned. There's up and down; sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail. But, we should never give up.

My resolve to be better is stronger than ever at this part of the year - after all, new year is the perfect time to begin again.

And for a while I was succeeding. For a while I was at peace with myself and focused on my goal. But, now that I'm back in the jungle of daily life, balancing work and personal life and the necessities of daily survival, plus the goals I've set out to fulfill this year, it's so easy to get distracted. And, I think that I'm starting to lose control, and I'm beginning to panic.

So today, at this very moment, I'd like to remind myself that it won't be perfect all the time, and that there will be bad days. But, I must press on. I must continue. I must not lose heart.

I can make it with God's grace!

Somewhere, Somehow, Someone Is Blessed By Our Presence.

We don't even have to do a thing - our mere presence is enough to bless that person. And sometimes, we are not even aware of this.

Today started out almost perfectly for me, just because one person was at the right place at the right time. She did not do anything, she was just there right when I opened the door, about to get in just as I was about to get out - everything was a simple coincidence. But, that single coincidence was enough to brighten up my morning. And I realize, the person is not even aware that she has that effect on somebody that she doesn't even know. And all because she is who she is.

In our life, we are blessing people by being just the way we are. And around us, without us even knowing, someone is thankful that we are there.

With this revelation, I realize the importance of being true to ourselves at all times, so that the blessings that we give to others are always real.

"When I see you smile, I can face the world oh oh, you know I can do anything... When I see you smile... Baby when I see you smile at me."

P.S. Thanks to that someone who blesses me with her mere presence. Thanks for the inspiration. :)

The Love We Give Will Not Always Be Reciprocated, But We Should Continue to Love Anyway.

And this does not only apply to romantic love - it can apply to all kinds of love.

It is in man's nature to expect love in return when love is given, but this is a failed venture. When one always expects love in return to a love that is given, sooner or later that person will be disappointed. Because not all the people that we love will love us back. Yes, sometimes they will, but not in the way we want them. We should always be ready for this, and the only way we can be ready is to simply love without expectations.

This year, I've resolved to love more - to care more for the people around me, to prioritize them over things, and to be more expressive, especially to those that I value. I had so much hope at the beginning of the year, and I can say that I'm succeeding (yeehee!). There were some downfalls, however, when I felt that some of the people around me did not appreciate what I was doing, and for a while that bothered me.

But then, I remembered my main purpose - to simply love more. Loving is simple, but we sometimes make it complicated because of our expectations. When I was able to see my situation and told myself that I should simply continue to love, without expecting, because this is my real purpose, I have finally become at peace with myself.

Today I am content, giving out love and cheer to the people around me without too much expectations of receiving their love in return. It also helps to know that there are people, few they may be, who share their love with me with all their heart.

I'll keep on loving :)

God Listens, and Responds.

There have been many moments in my life when I know that God is there, but I do not feel His presence. I talk to Him, but He does not respond - my conversations are like monologues in which only I, speak or rant. Moments like this can be frustrating.

Just a while ago, however, I realize that there is a difference between God not answering my prayers and me failing to acknowledge and recognize His answers...

This time is a crucial time in my life. Just when I finally had the resolve and the will and the conviction to reconnect with God, to reestablish my relationship with Him, here comes a distraction, a temptation so strong it's so hard to resist.

This temptation embodies all the things that are contrary to my nature - all the things that I've long wanted to become. To loosen up. To have fun. To look for adventure. To try new things. To explore. To let go. To be spontaneous.

These are things I've long wanted to experience, characteristics I've long wanted to develop in me. And now, a perfect opportunity is presenting itself, but it is also an avenue of sin. It might not be sin per se (or maybe I'm just convincing myself that it isn't), but it is a path that is most likely to lead to sin.

I feel confused, because I want it badly. And I am torn, because I know it isn't the best choice, and I might be setting up myself for destruction if I go for it. There is chaos deep inside me, and I've been asking God to enlighten me, to poke me and wake me up from this trance. And a while ago, while reading Companion, God seemed to speak directly to me.

"... no one who fails to act in righteousness belongs to God..." said the passage, and the reading also mentioned that curiosity is good only if it leads to righteousness. The passage spoke directly to me, and I felt that it was God's answer to my question and confusion.

I still don't have full resolve now to say no to the temptation and actually mean it, but I continue to ask God for His grace, that He will provide me with enlightenment and the courage to do the right thing, no matter what it costs. Hear my prayer, oh Lord. Amen.

People are Imperfect... But We Must Love Them Anyway.

People can fail us. They can hurt us. They can do bad things to us. Because they are imperfect. But, love can forgive and accept all these. In this world, love is the only perfect thing that can conquer all imperfections.

Many of the complexities in my life spring from instances when people do not meet my expectations... when people fail me in certain ways.

And today, I realize that the real reason behind these complexities is the insufficiency of the love that I give to people. In many circumstances, I love with condition. I love only the good. I love only the beautiful. I love only those that favor me. Conflicts, disappointments, and chaos occur when the bad, the imperfections, and the ugly surface, because I do not love them - my love is conditional.

If I will only have the will to love even those that are not perfect, then the ugly and the bad won't matter - because true love conquers everything.

I thank God for giving me the grace of this realization, and showing me the peace and joy associated with putting this into practice. May I always have the will to love at all times, no matter what. And may I always remember and apply this to myself as well - realizing that I am also imperfect, but that I should love myself anyway.

Nothing Can Be More Important Than Relationships.

With all the things going on around me right now, it's so easy to get distracted and to lose focus. I often get confused because of the many things that take my attention and eat up my time - my work, the need to excel, and the desire for more material things. Because of all these, I usually find myself in the middle of chaos and confusion, losing direction and feeling like I'm not accomplishing anything that's worthy.

And now, now that I have distanced myself from my daily schedule and routine... now that I have broken free from the predictable day-to-day living that I've come to follow, albeit for just a while... now that I have enough time to spare to pause and look at the many things going on around me and the many experiences that I have encountered in the past year, I realize that the memories that remain are memories of people, memories of moments that I shared with those who are important to me.

And yes, I am reminded that people are always more important than things. That relationships are always to be prioritized. Because at the end of the day, more than the amount of things that I've accomplished and accumulated, what matter more are the number of people that I have blessed.

I will always be grateful for the relationship that I have with God, with my family, my friends, my officemates, and all the people around me, imperfect as these relationships may be. And, I shall do my best to cherish, nurture, and prioritize these relationships.

God Will Never Give Up...

My spiritual journey had been filled with potholes and bumps, and the past years had been especially challenging. I got in a wrong relationship. I lived in sin for many years. I got distracted by a whole lot of worldly pursuits and desires, and I worshiped many gods. I placed my real God on the sideline.

All my sins kept me from turning back to God, and all my efforts to search for Him had been almost in vain. But, He never gives up. In 2011, He opened a door that allowed me to belong to a community that would strengthen my faith. And, He gave me the grace to finally break free from the relationship that I was in. 

And now, after everything that happened, only one challenge remains - reconnecting with God on an intimate level. I used to enjoy a very close relationship with Him before, but that ended when everything that happened... happened. Now I feel I'm starting over, but I'm having a hard time re-establishing a personal relationship with God. The process is a struggle, and I often feel like I'm not worthy, that I'm losing it.

But, truly His grace never ceases. Before 2011 ended, I met with a good friend who reminded me all about the grace and the miracle and the love of God. And I realized then, God has never abandoned me all this time. That He is there all along. That He has not given up on me. Despite feeling for a long time that my efforts to search for Him were in vain, I now know that He remains faithful to me, that His love endures.

And as the year 2012 opens, I am once again filled with hope. I feel so blessed knowing that God is still there, that He will always be there for me, and that He is waiting for me to come back to Him. His grace never ends, and He knows I need to be reminded of this - thus the angel He sent in the form of a friend.

Thank you Lord. I love you. I promise to do better this year.