On Personal Boundaries.

"When you say 'yes' to others, make sure you are not saying 'no' to yourself." - Paulo Coelho

We Can Only Be Who We Are.

Trying to be someone else is a futile attempt. Yes, we are imperfect. Yes, we are not good at the things that we value. Yes, we may be far from being the kind of person that we want to be. But we must always remember: growth is a lifetime process. It's not an overnight transformation. And we can't make ourselves a clone of even the most admirable person in the world.

Any attempt to be someone else, no matter how good the intent behind the desire, poses a certain amount of danger. That danger has to do with losing one's self while not totally becoming the person one wants to be. In  the process, the person gets stranded in the middle - not anymore himself, yet not the person he wants to be. He becomes an entirely different person from the person that he really is and from the person that he wishes to become.

There's really no better way to deal with change, or the desire for it, than to allow it to go naturally - not forcing it nor faking it. Because in the end, the only person we can and should aspire to be... is the better image of our present self - different from who we used to be, yet still us.

A Lesson About Being Yourself.

With all the mess that's part of you. With the chaos and the imperfections and the low days. With all that comes with the unique package that you are.

When you stop planning all your days and you find yourself wading through life with none of your preconceived activities and none of the labels you put to your every hour, you will find your true self emerge. And even if your experience is not so good, you'll appreciate all the things you will find about yourself.

Let's See The Sunshine Within Ourself.

As much as it's important to be optimistic when looking at things outside of us - our life, other people, our experiences - it is as important that we also be optimistic when we look within ourself.

There are times when I look at myself and I see only the bad. Not healthy, I know. I just can't help this at certain times. 

I realize I have to be more gentle with myself and to also try to see the good things in me. I have weaknesses, but I also have strengths. There are certain things I'm not good at, but those are things that make me unique. If I'm good at those things, I'll probably not be good at the things I'm good at right now. So I guess, it ain't so bad at all.

Sometimes, Being True To Ourself Is More Important Than Being Good.

This is one lesson that I have a hard time learning, probably because being good had been strongly imprinted in my mind when I was growing up. I started out my education in a Catholic school, thus the traditional setting. And even when I entered other schools during the later part of my elementary years, my secondary years, and my days in the university, I looked at being good as a means to secure a safe place inside the classroom. Aside from my intelligence and skill in class, teachers love me because I was kind, polite, nice, obedient, and all those things they teach you to be.

But while those things served me well inside the classroom, I did not realize that the value they cultivated in me would create an inner conflict later on. 

Because I valued being good so much, I also turned into a pleaser - I would always say yes to people and what they ask from and of me. I would always try to accommodate everybody's requests, even if there are times when I don't feel like doing so. I would find myself always saying yes even if the voice inside me is already saying no.

Because of these things, I would often end up frustrated. Several times in my life, I'd also attracted abusers who would take advantage of my weakness - I guess people like these are able to identify an easy victim without any problem.

And for a long time now, I have been struggling with this dilemma. I'm starting to learn how to say no, but I still fail a lot of times. And every time I would succeed and be able to say no, I'd end up guilty. My struggle is an up-and-down process, and it's not easy. I still get disappointed with myself now and then.

But while I get disheartened a lot of times because of this struggle (when I say yes I would feel bad, and when I finally have the courage to say no I'd still end up feeling bad), I am thankful to the people with whom I am able to share this dilemma.

There are at least a couple of such special people in my life right now, friends who understand what I'm going through and who respect and understand my choice during times when I am placed in a situation in which my struggle usually surfaces.

I was with one of them just very recently, and that person has made me realize (again) that more than being right, it is more important that I become true to myself. That aside from being good to others, I owe myself some goodness, too - that I should learn to respect my feelings and the way I see the world. And, I should determine my boundaries so that I can bravely fight for my values and for the things that are truly important to me.

I feel very thankful to these people, for always keeping me focused on what's important and for always reminding me that I should also learn to love myself. Cheers for friendships!