The Mind Can Be Doubtful, But The Heart Has Certainty.

We can argue with the mind and all its reasons. But, most often, even as we present all sorts of argument with the mind, we already know the final decision that we are going to make - and that decision comes from the heart. Most often, the heart knows right from the start.

The Heart Isn't Always Right.

Or is it?

I remember my brother saying once (and I think he was quoting the bible) that the heart is foolish. That people must not always give in to its desires, because the heart easily falls to the traps of the world. And I guess he is right, because the heart doesn't think. It doesn't consider consequences. It doesn't consider the future. It simply acts on impulse. It simply acts on the present.

Why then do people say that we must follow our heart? Don't they know how dangerous it is to follow the heart? 

I've also been following my heart and ignoring the voice of reason for sometime now, and yes I've been happy. I am happy now. But what about tomorrow? What about consequences? What about right and wrong?

These are questions I've been trying to avoid, because I still don't want to face the truth. But until when? I do not know.

Earlier this year, I'd been faced with a temptation so strong I almost gave in to it. But, with prayers and with God's grace, I was able to move on without giving in and falling (more of the story here). I was able to move forward without looking back, and I remember feeling proud of myself after getting through that temptation.

But, just when I thought I've won, here comes another temptation - and there's no saving me this time. I've already fallen, and fallen hard. I don't know how to walk away now like I did with the first one.

When I look at the two and compare them, I can only see one big difference. There was no emotional investment with the first one, so it was easy to walk away and move on. But, I can't say this to be the same with the situation I'm in right now. I've already invested a lot of emotions into this and my heart has already led me farther and farther, so it's not easy to just go away.

I know I want this. I know I'm happy where I am. I know I care a lot about the person involved.

But, I just can't let go of this voice telling me that this is all wrong. That nothing good will come out of this. And that at the end of it all, no matter how this ends, I will always be the one responsible for everything.

I know God is here for me, that He is just waiting that I come to Him for help, like I did the first time when I prayed hard for Him to help me overcome the temptation and walk away. And I triumphed. Only this time, I'm not sure if I want to walk away. I'm not sure whether I really want to overcome this temptation. I'm not sure I want to say goodbye and move on. 

Now that's the real problem.

Abandon Can Be The Most Beautiful Thing In The World.

That moment when finally, after the long battle between your emotions and your reason, you decide to just close your eyes, drown out the voices in your mind, and plunge deep into the unknown, following your gut feel - hoping against hope that all will be well in the end.

That moment when you are faced with a temptation so strong it's overwhelming - you can't help but simply fall despite all the bells of alarm ringing in your head.

That moment when you finally decide to just give it a go, to just live in that present moment where you're in, no matter what the consequences and no matter what the next moment will bring.

That moment in your life when you know you're venturing into forbidden territory, when you know you're doing something wrong and you might get caught anytime, but what the heck, to hell with everything else, you just want to get lost in the maze of your emotions and feel alive.

That moment in your life that is so wrong, yet so right. And you're so scared to do it, yet you did. And every time the voice in your head will bug you, you find consolation knowing that you are just following the voice of your heart.

Abandon is sweet.

In The End, Reality [Always] Prevails.

It only takes one single sentence to blow all the happiness in the world away.

It was the perfect moment - we were both happy and we had a great time together. You said it was your first Valentine's date. You emailed me a couple of our pictures, and I thought they were perfect. Then we exchanged text messages... And then that...

"Pag ayaw sabihin na agad para tumigil na." [Translation: If you don't want this, tell me at once so that I'll stop.]

Then all of a sudden, reality struck. The dilemma came back, this time with twice the impact. And then the same questions. Yes or no? Should I give it a go or should I go away? Should I take the risk and see where this will take us? Or should I stop the insanity this early to save two hearts from more pain? 

The voice in my mind is twice loud this time, and I don't think I can ignore this voice any longer. Help! :(

Mahirap Talaga Kapag 'Yong Feeling Mong Tama, Iba Sa Alam Mong Tama.

This is the first post in this blog to have a title written in the Filipino language - I just feel there's no other words that will best describe what I feel right now than those exact words in that statement.

Translation: It's hard when what you feel to be right, is different from what you know to be right.

And this is the cause of inner conflicts, of unresolved dilemmas, of questions hanging in midair without answers. Sometimes, we choose to stop thinking, to stop analyzing, because when we do, our mind presents us with a long list of reasons showing us that what we feel to be right... is actually wrong.

And it's difficult to argue with the reasons of the mind. 

BUT, it's twice difficult to ignore the voice of the heart. 

So, what do we do when our heart tells us something is right but our mind argues and tries to convince us that it is in fact wrong? I don't know. Just this - can we stop thinking for a while?

Well, yes, it can't be like this for too long. But right now, I still don't know who to listen to. And when I'm in this state, I always go with my heart. 

So yeah, for now, mind, can you please shut up for a while?

Sometimes, It's Really Just Black or White.

Gray areas are confusing. They leave too many loopholes. And sometimes, we can't trust ourselves to do the right thing and fill those loopholes with the correct choices, choices that will make everything better.

Gray areas are merely an escape, a delaying tactic for many. These areas exist when people refuse to choose between black and white, opting to stay within the boundaries of that safe zone until they have made up their mind and realized that they're finally prepared to stick with a choice and deal with all the consequences of that choice.

Gray areas are to be avoided at all costs. Yes, we must recognize that they exist. After acknowledging their existence, however, we must have the conviction to move on and get out of that safe zone, towards either the black or the white. 

Because the longer we stay inside that gray area, the more the confusion that we create. Yes, that area is safe. It can serve as a means of escape for a while. It can save us from the inevitable - for a while. It could give us the delay that we need while we are still trying to sort out our emotions and make up our mind. But, we shouldn't get too comfortable in that area.

Because one day, when we finally feel we're ready to move on and make our choice, pick between black and white, it might be too late - and we lose both options.

Reminder to self: Make up your mind. Fast.

The People Who Are Important To Us Will Always Affect Us.

Funny, the title of this post is supposed to be "We Choose The People Who Affect Us." 

It's supposed to be an attempt at reprimanding myself for allowing someone's actions to affect me and determine my mood. It's supposed to be a piece that would convince me to see things more rationally and to maintain some form of control over my emotions.

But yeah, it was a failed venture. I couldn't find the right phrases and words to say. I couldn't find a convincing enough point to prove what I wanted to prove.

And when I looked more closely into the matter, it all came down to this: we really don't have total control when it comes to choosing the people who will affect us. To a certain point, maybe we have, but there will always be a certain area in there that we can't control.

It's mind over matter, yes?

Yes. But, although it's possible for our mind to rule over a big portion of our heart (because this is an issue of the heart, right?), there will always be a small part there that will remain untouched. That small portion there will always be guarded against the mind, refusing to hear reason, always free to feel - no matter how irrational the feelings, no matter how wrong the emotions, or how confusing the results.

It's that small portion that robs us of our ability to have control over the people that we will allow (and not allow) to affect us. That portion of our heart has reason of its own, one that we may not understand at all times, and certainly one that we cannot question.

Right Or Wrong Doesn't Depend On Our Emotions.

Doesn't mean that it feels good, it's already right.

Doesn't mean that it makes us happy, it's the correct choice.

Because feelings can be irrational. They are unstable, and they defy reason. 

Oftentimes, the irrationality of our emotions can cause an internal struggle. So, it's easy to just shut off the mind to forget the chaos and live in peace, and to keep that small voice inside our head from bugging us. But the chaos won't disappear. We can tame the mind for a while, subdue the voice for a moment, but it won't stay silent for long.

Emotions can give up, but reason won't. So no matter how correct everything feels, we shouldn't forget to pay attention to what our mind is telling us - before things get out of control.

When Unsure, Back Off.

(Continued from last post)

After shutting out reason, however, the only other course of action left is to finally listen to it - to listen to what that little voice inside you is saying.

After the quiet and abandon, there's no other recourse but to tackle the issues. To face the reality. To answer the questions. To pick between yes and no, and deal with the maybes and the buts.

There's no easy way where the heart is involved, but it's important never to plunge and dive in when one is unsure. It's hard to drown, especially if you're expected to save the other person who is also drowning.

So if you're unsure and confused, you better back off.