It's Okay Not To Like Someone.

This is a realization that is somewhat connected to one of my previous posts - this one. I mentioned in the post that we shouldn't expect everyone to like us.

In the same manner, I realized that it is also normal for us not to like everyone. As we journey in life, we will meet people who will not be pleasing to us. People who will not meet our standards and who will have a different set of values. People who, as I have told a friend, will not be compatible with us because of personality differences.

And that is only normal. Therefore, it is important that we forgive people who don't like us, and we also forgive ourselves if we find there are people that we don't like.

It's all the same. And as I said, it's perfectly normal.

Communication Makes All Things Better.

Today has been a tiring day, though not physically. I had an emotional conversation with a friend who I was having an issue with for quite a time now.

I'm not really the type of person to open up easily to people. I'd rather listen than talk. I'm not very comfortable talking about my emotions. Maybe because it makes me feel vulnerable. Or maybe because I see it as a weakness. Or, as my housemate once said, maybe because I'm just too proud.

I'd been so used to bottling up my feelings and thoughts to the point when I could not contain them any longer. And in some instances, when I reach the point of not being able to contain them anymore, everything just explodes. Not healthy, I know.

Well, I am slowly learning to open up. I am slowly learning to talk about the things I feel. I am slowly learning to give concrete words to my emotions and to describe them clearly for others to understand. It's a process that I have a hard time learning - feels like I first have to undo all the years of behaviors that led to this habit or tendency, and then start all over.

And if there's one thing I'm learning about all these, it's the fact that talking is good. It feels good to unburden by sharing feelings, by being true to what I feel, and by being courageous enough to share my emotions to someone, no matter how uncomfortable it is at first.

Communication makes all things better, and I'm thankful to all the people who are helping me learn to communicate more efficiently.

We Can't Expect Everyone To Like Us.

I know, this is one rule to happiness - to remember that we can't please everyone, that not all of the people we meet will like us. 

I should be mature enough to know this, right?

Well, yes. But, there are still situations when I get affected and feel bad every time I find myself confronted with this issue. I've been battling with my tendency to be a pleaser ever since I realized how bad the effect it was having on me, and in many instances I have succeeded.

Every now and then, though, comes a situation that brings back all the negative emotions I've tried to do away with during the past years. Every now and then, I would be facing a challenge that would put all my previous efforts to the test. And in certain instances, I would realize that I've not really totally gotten rid of this unhealthy tendency. And then I would feel like everything I've done has been put to waste, that I've not actually advanced from where I'd been before.

Here I am still, wanting to please people, feeling the need to get others' approval. And every time I get affected by others and feel bad about it, I know I'm not only feeling bad because someone doesn't like me. More than that, I feel bad because I realize that the pleaser in me is still here.

So, how should I react? I've always believed emotions are beyond our control, that they're neither right nor wrong. 

I realize I must forgive myself every time I feel this - every time I face a similar situation and fail. I shall get affected and feel bad, yes, but I must remember that this is part of the growth. That I'm not yet done growing. This could be a lifetime process, but that's life - some changes, especially big ones, take a long time to occur. 

I know I have to face whatever challenge is thrown my way. I know these are all part of the test, and someday I shall reach that level of maturity that I've been hoping for. So today I may fail, I may feel disappointed, but at the end of the grieving and the frustration I shall pick myself up and move forward, advancing a little from where I've been.

I shall make this!

I'll Say "I Love You" Only When I Mean It.

I'm not gonna say it simply for the sake of the words. Not simply because I feel happy about the moment. Not simply because someone tells me he loves me and I feel compelled to say "I love you, too". Or not simply because the perfect opportunity to say it has come up.

No.

I've said "I love you" many times in the past, and I've heard the words many times as well. But, how many of the words I've uttered have I actually meant? And how many of those I heard were really meant the way they should mean? I don't know.

And I can't do anything about words that have already been uttered, now lost in the sea of memory and time. But, I can do something about words that I've yet to say.

And this time, I want "I love you" to mean something when I say it. I may say it just once, or only a few times, but if it's for real it would be more than enough. It would be much more meaningful than all of the I love yous uttered in the world.

The Heart Isn't Always Right.

Or is it?

I remember my brother saying once (and I think he was quoting the bible) that the heart is foolish. That people must not always give in to its desires, because the heart easily falls to the traps of the world. And I guess he is right, because the heart doesn't think. It doesn't consider consequences. It doesn't consider the future. It simply acts on impulse. It simply acts on the present.

Why then do people say that we must follow our heart? Don't they know how dangerous it is to follow the heart? 

I've also been following my heart and ignoring the voice of reason for sometime now, and yes I've been happy. I am happy now. But what about tomorrow? What about consequences? What about right and wrong?

These are questions I've been trying to avoid, because I still don't want to face the truth. But until when? I do not know.

Earlier this year, I'd been faced with a temptation so strong I almost gave in to it. But, with prayers and with God's grace, I was able to move on without giving in and falling (more of the story here). I was able to move forward without looking back, and I remember feeling proud of myself after getting through that temptation.

But, just when I thought I've won, here comes another temptation - and there's no saving me this time. I've already fallen, and fallen hard. I don't know how to walk away now like I did with the first one.

When I look at the two and compare them, I can only see one big difference. There was no emotional investment with the first one, so it was easy to walk away and move on. But, I can't say this to be the same with the situation I'm in right now. I've already invested a lot of emotions into this and my heart has already led me farther and farther, so it's not easy to just go away.

I know I want this. I know I'm happy where I am. I know I care a lot about the person involved.

But, I just can't let go of this voice telling me that this is all wrong. That nothing good will come out of this. And that at the end of it all, no matter how this ends, I will always be the one responsible for everything.

I know God is here for me, that He is just waiting that I come to Him for help, like I did the first time when I prayed hard for Him to help me overcome the temptation and walk away. And I triumphed. Only this time, I'm not sure if I want to walk away. I'm not sure whether I really want to overcome this temptation. I'm not sure I want to say goodbye and move on. 

Now that's the real problem.

Once You Decide To Give Something A Go, Give It Your All.

It could be in your career. It could be in your relationships. It could have something to do with the pursuit of your one great dream. It could have something to do with the thing you've been longing for. Or it could have something to do with love and loving. No matter what area of your life is involved, always, always give it your all.

Let go. Let go of all the things that hold you back.

Direct all your energy to the task at hand. Work so hard and push your limits. Work until you sweat, until you bleed, until you feel your heart beating to the full.

Give it your all, until you feel like you have nothing more to give. Don't stop until something happens. Run in pursuit, fast, hard, until the heaven sees you and finally works its miracles to grant you your one great wish.

Let your passion consume you. Let it take full control of everything you do until you come up with that masterpiece that will be your legacy to the world.

Love. Love fully. Love until you feel like your heart cannot contain the feeling anymore. Let your love overflow. Let your love overflow and wash away any fear. Let your love overflow and drown out any doubt. Let your love overflow until you feel the world has become a better place because of that love.

We Have The Power To Inspire.

We had a meeting at work this morning, raffling off the spot bonus and then discussing the upcoming team activity tomorrow.

Added to these agenda, the highlight was a discussion about being happy at work, about appreciating all that we enjoy in our job, and about being grateful for what we have. According to our boss (who is an awesome boss, by the way), the team already exhibits performance and most of us already show perseverance, but we need to improve on positive attitude. I have to agree with her - this is something we actually need to work on. In fact, we have a two-week activity now that involves writing down three things that we're grateful for or things that make us happy at work everyday. Our boss gave us cute notebooks to write on and use as a sort of journal.

During the discussion this morning, what struck me most was the revelation about how my workmates and my bosses see me. When we were talking about perseverance, some of my officemates were pointing and referring to me. I remember, some of them would usually tease me about being a workaholic. My boss also said during the meeting that I am a perfect example of one who has positive attitude at work, citing the time when I took over as OIC during the leave of my supervisor and how I was all haggard but still all smiles despite the pressure of the work. I remember one time when I told a friend that I think many people in the office see me as someone so serious, and then she said that my officemates actually see me as a person who is always happy. It felt good to know that!

I've always been an advocate of optimism, of focusing on the bright side of life, of being grateful for all the blessings. I don't preach these to people, though, but I didn't realize that they actually show. I didn't realize that I actually reflect the things that I believe in. I mean, I know for the most part they are reflected in me, but for me to be strongly associated with them - now that says something. And just for now, let me just say that I am proud of myself. :)

Together with all these, I also realize the great importance of living truthfully in accordance with the things that we deeply believe in...

That we don't actually have to impose our values on the people around us. We don't have to talk about our ideals all the time. We don't have to actually broadcast our principles for the whole world to hear. We just have to live them. We just have to embody them. We just have to let our life be the best example of our principles.

And then without our knowing, the world will take notice, and be inspired.

Remove All Sources Of Unnecessary Stress In Your Life.

Not happy with your job? Resign!

Stressed about your mounting debt? Throw away your credit card!

In a toxic relationship? Run away!

In the company of unhealthy people? Leave!

Stuck in a situation that's pulling you down? Let go!

Life should be as simple as that. 

Eliminate the unnecessary stuff. Say goodbye to stress. Be happy. And live longer!

There Are Some Truths That We Don't Want To Hear, But We Need To.

Some truths don't sound pleasing to the ears. Some of them, we don't want to hear at all.

Some speak of things we already know but are afraid to admit to ourselves, and we don't want to hear them because hearing them makes them all too real to ignore. 

Other truths contain things that we fear to hear because they speak of things we've long been trying to deny.

Others are scary because they try to bring to life issues we've long been trying to bury in the innermost recesses of our mind.

But... as always, the truth sets us free. The only way to be happy is to recognize them - never ignore and never deny. The first step is to hear them, and then accept them, and then deal with them... And then finally, be free.

Jealousy Can Have Different Meanings.

In a relationship, it could mean instability. Your partner may not be committed enough to your relationship so as to commit acts that would trigger jealousy in you. Or, you may not be trusting enough and every little thing makes you jealous.

In some cases, it could mean you're falling in love - there are instances when you're only able to realize that you love a person when you get in a situation that makes you feel jealous.

It could also mean possessiveness, that which you feel when you realize that the person you care about isn't yours alone - that there are other people who care for him as much as, or even more than, you do - and suddenly you want him all to yourself.

In other instances, it could simply mean the realization that you want to keep the person - that moment when you realize that you can lose the person anytime and you suddenly feel scared about that possibility.

Jealousy could also mean immaturity. It could mean a wrong sense of commitment. It could mean many other things, and it says a lot about one's feelings.

... But as to what this jealousy that I'm feeling means, I do not know yet. All I know is that I need to keep it under control - can't make the situation more complicated than it already is.

True Friends Understand.

Even your most messed-up stories.
Even your craziest experiences.
Even your unreasonable reasoning.

They'll always be there to support you.
They'll listen to your stories and share their own in their effort to make sense of things - until your confusion clears up a little.
They'll tell you to go for something, if they know you really want it.

Thank God for my friends!

Insecurity Can Destroy.

All of us have felt insecurity at one point in our life or another, and that's normal. But to let it run our life and to let it rule every aspect of our existence - now that's another story.

Insecurity can do a lot of things, many of them bad - especially when not handled well. It can make a person defensive. It can make him hateful. It can make him pretentious. And it can also make him untrue to himself, as he evolves into a totally different person while trying to cover up his insecurities.

An insecure person can exaggerate things, thinking that his exaggerations will divert others' attention from his flaw. He is prone to bossing everyone around, because that is his only way to feel that he is worthy and to make him forget about his defect. He can do things that are out of character, all because he tries to create a camouflage.

What many of them do not know is that they're all too transparent. No matter how much they try to put up a facade, their insecurity shows. And, that insecurity is toxic and harmful. It can destroy all the good things they already have.

Sisters Are The Best Confidants.

They know you and understand you. They can relate to you in ways no other people can. And you can count on them to be honest about everything - they can be harsh about their criticisms and outright frank about their observations, but you can always count on them when you need a reality check.

They are always ready and willing to listen to your stories - you can tell them anything (okay, maybe not everything, but A LOT of things). Yes, they'll laugh at you when you tell them about the silly things you've done. They'll tease you about all the shameful acts you've committed. They'll tell you how crazy you are when you confess about something you shouldn't have done, but you did. They'll talk you out of something if they feel like it's not right for you. But in the end, they'll still let you be. They'll respect your decisions and try to understand your choices.

You can talk to them until the wee hours of the morning. You can argue with them about anything, end up not agreeing with each other, and find your disagreement something to laugh about. And while you're talking or arguing and you mentioned something that she thinks is interesting, she'll note down what you said and share it on Facebook for everyone to see.

Sisters are the best, and I'm lucky to have one.

Abandon Can Be The Most Beautiful Thing In The World.

That moment when finally, after the long battle between your emotions and your reason, you decide to just close your eyes, drown out the voices in your mind, and plunge deep into the unknown, following your gut feel - hoping against hope that all will be well in the end.

That moment when you are faced with a temptation so strong it's overwhelming - you can't help but simply fall despite all the bells of alarm ringing in your head.

That moment when you finally decide to just give it a go, to just live in that present moment where you're in, no matter what the consequences and no matter what the next moment will bring.

That moment in your life when you know you're venturing into forbidden territory, when you know you're doing something wrong and you might get caught anytime, but what the heck, to hell with everything else, you just want to get lost in the maze of your emotions and feel alive.

That moment in your life that is so wrong, yet so right. And you're so scared to do it, yet you did. And every time the voice in your head will bug you, you find consolation knowing that you are just following the voice of your heart.

Abandon is sweet.

There Are Times When Words Don't Suffice.

And you find release in music.

There are moments...

When you've got a lot to say but you can't say them.

When you feel like your chest is all but ready to burst, and yet you have to remain composed, maintaining a facade of calm.

When things get too complicated and all you want to do is break free and go away - but you can't.

... And you find release in a song.

In The End, Reality [Always] Prevails.

It only takes one single sentence to blow all the happiness in the world away.

It was the perfect moment - we were both happy and we had a great time together. You said it was your first Valentine's date. You emailed me a couple of our pictures, and I thought they were perfect. Then we exchanged text messages... And then that...

"Pag ayaw sabihin na agad para tumigil na." [Translation: If you don't want this, tell me at once so that I'll stop.]

Then all of a sudden, reality struck. The dilemma came back, this time with twice the impact. And then the same questions. Yes or no? Should I give it a go or should I go away? Should I take the risk and see where this will take us? Or should I stop the insanity this early to save two hearts from more pain? 

The voice in my mind is twice loud this time, and I don't think I can ignore this voice any longer. Help! :(

To Be The Reason Behind Someone's Happiness - Now That Is Priceless.

It is probably this that makes every parent endure all the hardships of parenthood. It is probably this that drives every man to work hard for his family. And it is probably this that makes every woman smile despite being so tired taking care of her baby.

This warm feeling that envelopes you when you know someone is happy because of you. This feeling is priceless. It's one of the best feelings in the world.

There Is Good In Every Man.

I've always believed in this. Despite the world being messed up most of the time, despite news of killings and crimes, despite the hatred that surround me (and even consume me) sometimes, deep in my heart, I believe that man is intrinsically good. He commits evil, yes, but always for a reason. When you look at him up close, you'll see that he is overflowing with goodness.

Earlier this day, between 12 noon to 1pm, while I was aboard a jeepney, I saw a long line of tricycles at a terminal, with most of them without their driver - they were probably having their late lunch. There were only a few drivers in there, some resting, others tinkering with their tricycle. 

Then from a small sari-sari store, a teenage guy walked towards the line of tricycles. He was holding half a styrofoam plate with pancit canton and plastic fork. I saw him approach one of the drivers, an older guy, who took a forkful of pancit canton and ate it. At first, I found the scene weird - I thought there was something not normal about it, about those two guys with one giving food to the other and the other taking a forkful of that food without second thought, like it was the most normal thing in the world to do. I even thought maybe the old one is the father of the teenage guy, and the guy is simply giving his father some food, thus the closeness. That scene had something very personal about it, something very private.

After approaching the older man, the teenage guy approached another man and gestured, inviting the man to eat pancit canton from his plate. The man, who was busy working on something, declined. The teenage guy appeared to be insisting that the man take some pancit canton from his plate, but the man was shaking his head. 

The teenager then proceeded to the last part of the line into a tricycle, and that's when I realized he's one of the drivers. The other two men whom he approached earlier were co-drivers, not family members like I first thought.

That scene has deeply touched me. I didn't realize that a man like that, a teenager at that, and a trycicle driver, would be capable of an act such as the one I witnessed. I mean, it was just a small serving of pancit canton. And for lunch, that would not suffice. But, the guy was still able to share it with his co-drivers, and he seemed happy doing it, like it was as normal as it could be.

What a beautiful scene it was, and it only reaffirmed my faith in man. No matter what happens to him, no matter what his circumstances are, nothing can take away the goodness of man. Yes, at times it will be buried deep because of bad events and experiences, but it will never totally disappear - that goodness will always be there. 

Mahirap Talaga Kapag 'Yong Feeling Mong Tama, Iba Sa Alam Mong Tama.

This is the first post in this blog to have a title written in the Filipino language - I just feel there's no other words that will best describe what I feel right now than those exact words in that statement.

Translation: It's hard when what you feel to be right, is different from what you know to be right.

And this is the cause of inner conflicts, of unresolved dilemmas, of questions hanging in midair without answers. Sometimes, we choose to stop thinking, to stop analyzing, because when we do, our mind presents us with a long list of reasons showing us that what we feel to be right... is actually wrong.

And it's difficult to argue with the reasons of the mind. 

BUT, it's twice difficult to ignore the voice of the heart. 

So, what do we do when our heart tells us something is right but our mind argues and tries to convince us that it is in fact wrong? I don't know. Just this - can we stop thinking for a while?

Well, yes, it can't be like this for too long. But right now, I still don't know who to listen to. And when I'm in this state, I always go with my heart. 

So yeah, for now, mind, can you please shut up for a while?

The Feeling Of Excitement Is One Of The Best Things In The World.

It's been a long time since I last felt this kind of feeling - that feeling of restlessness, of butterflies in the stomach, of desiring something so strongly that it's almost painful... 

That moment when you can't think of anything else except that one thing that makes you feel all anxious, nervous, and excited all at the same time... 

That moment when you want something so bad yet you're so scared to grab it, but then deep within your heart and soul you have already claimed it to be yours...

That moment when you can't sleep and all you do is toss and turn in bed thinking about that one thing that you desire, until you feel all bursting with energy...

This feeling is so rare and precious. And, it's during moments like this when I feel most alive, burning with passion and consumed by a fire so real I almost feel scorched.

This kind of excitement - it's one of the best things about being human and about being alive.

Don't Rely Too Much On Your Emotions.

Because they're not rational.

Because they're not stable.

Because they're not always real.

Emotions are often clouded. And the heart doesn't think. When you rely too much on your emotions, you're setting yourself up on one roller coaster ride.

I Am Lucky.

I've always believed in optimism, in looking at things from a positive perspective, and in believing that the world is a beautiful place. Many times, I have proven the benefit of this kind of thinking, and I believe I am a happier person today because of this mindset. 

It's not always like this, however. Despite my resolve to see the good in everything, there are still instances when I get blinded by the routine of everyday life. The predictability of my daily schedule sometimes makes everything dull, and there are times when I feel like my life is too ordinary - I end up complaining about the absence of excitement, of motivation, of passion in my life.

Then this morning aboard the jeepney on my way to work, while thinking about the tasks that lay ahead, about things that I consider important, I saw a couple of dirty homeless folks sleeping beside a building. They had no slippers, no pillows or blankets to keep them comfortable. All they had were plastic bags full of random stuff, maybe clothes, that barely covered their face and body from view.

Looking at those two men, or women I'm not sure, I remembered the things I stress about these days and suddenly realized how mundane my worries are. While I'm worrying about the absence of excitement in my life, these people are worrying every single day about the absence of a place where they can stay to spend the night. That picture showed me how lucky I am and how blessed my life is.

So from now on, every time I feel the need to complain about my life, I shall remember those homeless folks, sleeping beside a building, oblivious to individuals like me around them.

Self-Restraint Is One Of The First Things That We Must Develop If We Want To Grow In Character.

To learn self-restraint is to learn to rule over ourselves, to learn to be the master of our life.

Our emotions and passion are often unbridled, and they often get swayed and carried away by even the simplest and smallest external events in our life. Hatred, for instance, an emotion that can easily be triggered when we experience offense, can make us do irrational things that we would regret later on. 

This reality makes self-restraint all the more valuable in ourselves. The development of self-restraint takes time, lots of patience, as well as inner strength. It demands that we conquer ourselves and our natural tendency to react rashly to our emotions and to external events. 

The development of this inner trait is a long, sometimes painful and frustrating, process. And, it is one that needs to be tested now and then. It is a trait borne out of trials and tests, passing of which would be the only assurance that we have already developed self-restraint and gained control over ourselves.

Anything That's Big Enough To Scare Us Is Worth A Try.

Fear can be a blessing or a curse. It could either leave a person paralyzed on the edge, unable to move, or it could compel that person to finally plunge into that abyss of uncertainty that would change his whole life. So, how would we want fear to affect our life?

Anything that's big is scary - that is true. And, all the great things in the world are accomplished with fear. When we experience fear while we're about to embark on any particular venture, that only means we're up to something bigger than ourselves - and that is always a good thing.

My Prayer: Lord, help me not allow fear to cripple me and keep me from moving. Every time I experience this emotion, please always remind me that something big is coming my way. Amen.

Just Say Yes.

They say God doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called. 

Sometimes, a task is presented in front of us and we feel like we cannot do it - we don't have the time, the talent, or the treasure to accomplish the job. But, all we really need is to trust God, because it's not us who will be at work - it will be God. All we really have to do is to say yes, and surely we'll be amazed at how things would turn out.

Thank you, Lord, for a successful day. There were glitches, but everything turned out well. And as another call is presented in front of me today, I say yes. I don't know what awaits me in this upcoming journey, but I trust You fully. Guide me. Direct me. Surprise me, Lord. Bring it on!

Find The Lesson.

There is lesson in everything, even in the smallest experiences that we encounter. Sometimes it's hard to see and recognize that lesson. Sometimes events appear so trivial that they don't seem to contain anything at all. Or sometimes they're too complicated that it's so hard to dig underneath and find something.

But we must always remember - there is a lesson, even if that lesson is just the realization that there is a lesson in everything that happens to us everyday.

Let's all pray for the grace to find the lesson in every event and experience in our life.  

Endings Can Be Scary.

Maybe because we're not really sure what the ending of the story will be. Or maybe because we know that the ending will not be what we want it to be. 

Times like this, I simply wish the journey would go on and on and on - without reaching the ending. I keep hoping that the travelers won't get weary, realize that the journey is taking so long, and start asking where the road is going, where the destination is, and when the waiting will be over.

Because I'm not sure what the ending will be, because I'm scared the ending will not be good, and I'm afraid that a bad ending might take away all the other good things I have with me right now. 

I'm enjoying the journey. I know I want to be where I'm in right now, but no I'm not ready for the ending yet... Though I know it's just around the corner. And it's all too real to ignore. A reality that's as scary as it's painful.

So for now, let the journey go on. No endings yet, please.

Sometimes, It's Really Just Black or White.

Gray areas are confusing. They leave too many loopholes. And sometimes, we can't trust ourselves to do the right thing and fill those loopholes with the correct choices, choices that will make everything better.

Gray areas are merely an escape, a delaying tactic for many. These areas exist when people refuse to choose between black and white, opting to stay within the boundaries of that safe zone until they have made up their mind and realized that they're finally prepared to stick with a choice and deal with all the consequences of that choice.

Gray areas are to be avoided at all costs. Yes, we must recognize that they exist. After acknowledging their existence, however, we must have the conviction to move on and get out of that safe zone, towards either the black or the white. 

Because the longer we stay inside that gray area, the more the confusion that we create. Yes, that area is safe. It can serve as a means of escape for a while. It can save us from the inevitable - for a while. It could give us the delay that we need while we are still trying to sort out our emotions and make up our mind. But, we shouldn't get too comfortable in that area.

Because one day, when we finally feel we're ready to move on and make our choice, pick between black and white, it might be too late - and we lose both options.

Reminder to self: Make up your mind. Fast.

Commitment Is Such A Heavy Word.

Too much effort. Too much work. Too much drama. It can be frustrating.

And yes, I'm talking about 'that' kind of commitment, the one that you invest in a relationship.

The root of the frustration here probably lies in the complexity of every individual, or in the unpredictability of human action and reaction, or in the expectations that come with commitment. Because to commit means to put up with all of the things I've mentioned above - the effort, the work, the drama, and many more - and to deal with the emotional chaos that they often bring with them.

I've had my own share of experiences when it comes to commitment. My last relationship lasted for five years and five months, and I can proudly say that I've put in a great deal of commitment into it. That relationship has gone through the ups and downs that every relationship goes through, and many of the problems I've encountered have to do with commitment.

Compare it to a role play. When you decide to commit, you develop certain expectations that you hope the other person will fulfill, and you also take on a certain role in the life of that person. Both of you are sort of assigned a role that you have to act out. 

But, problems and complications arise when one of you decides to change that role, to perform another role, or to simply refuse the role he is given.

Because not only can role playing get boring, but it's also easy to get lost in that kind of game. One day you'll wake up and you're not sure anymore whether you're doing what you're doing because you still want to do it or simply because you feel responsible in keeping up with the role that you've been assigned.

Oh well, the complexity of it all.

I want my freedom. I want my peace. I want my space and my time. So yeah, today I realize I'm not ready to commit, not just yet.