Repost: Of Friendships, Exclusivity, Privacy, and Freedom

There was a time in my life when I told myself I wasn’t capable of establishing a personal and a deep relationship with anybody. And I’m not speaking only in the context of romantic relationship – I’m also speaking in the context of friendship. I was too restless to settle. I love my privacy so much. And I don’t believe in best friends. Call me cynical, but I don’t. I do believe in friends, though. And close friends, too. But in best friends, and the exclusivity that comes with being someone’s best friend – I don’t.

I have friends, mind you. I have friends at the office. I have friends from elementary, from high school, and from college. I have D Corz. I have my team. I have my former students. And I still make new friends now. But, I have a hard time dealing with exclusivity and everything that comes with it.

There have been a couple of instances in the past when I went away from prospective friends and friendships because of this. In the beginning, everything was going well. We would hang out together and share ideas and experiences with each other. We would even share secrets. For a while, everything would be fine… Until it didn’t seem right anymore.

There came a time when I already felt my privacy was being invaded, when these friends became a little bit more clingy. They would tell me everything about their life and expect me to tell them everything about mine. In the office, they couldn’t wait to share with me everything that’s happening in their life, and right when I was so in the mood to work. They couldn’t wait to share every little detail of their life with me. And I guess that’s fine, after all we’re friends. But it didn’t seem right to me.

Long story short, I felt trapped. I felt I was losing a certain percentage of control over my life, that I was forced into doing things I didn’t want to do. And in the end, I hated being in that particular situation. So I walked away.

I felt guilty, knowing in my mind that my friends didn’t do anything wrong. I think they were just doing what they thought was normal for friends to do. But that’s just it. I am the one with the issue.

I value my privacy a lot. I love my freedom. I love to be friends while still being able to move freely within my own space. I want full control over my life. And that’s still how I feel until now. So tell me – is this normal?

Friendship Prevails.

Today has been a very happy day, and I have received so many blessings. I can't be thankful enough for the good times and memories brought by this day.

And just as the day is about to end, I received another major blessing - in the form of acceptance, of understanding, of frienship. From someone I care about a lot. 

Thank you, Lord. I just knew it would be like this when the time comes. And I was right. I'm just so happy that I was, because I badly wanted to be right about this. Thank you.

It Takes Courage To Stand By A Person When It Seems The Whole World Is Going Against That Person.

But that is what friendship is all about. Sometimes, all you can do to be a real friend is accept the person - the good, the bad, the entire package.

Friendships Never End.

It's when distance has already separated the two of you, time has already led you to different paths, and you think life has already torn the two of you apart...

And then all it takes are a few words, maybe a single SMS message, a simple "See you!" to bridge all that great distance, all those lost years, all those silence, and bring back what you once had - complete and intact.

It's Not Possible To Be Friends With An Ex.

... While one of you still harbors romantic feelings towards the other.

I've always envied people who were able to remain friends with their ex, and I've always aimed to do the same. I only had two formal romantic relationships in the past, the first being experimental (the kind that you get into just to see how being in a relationship would be like) and the second being a real one, lasting five years and five months. 

When both relationships ended, I thought it was possible to remain friends with Ex1 and Ex2, especially that both endings went well. I tried to salvage the friendship, but it was not easy. 

It was disastrous with the first, and almost all attempts to reconnect resulted in me being frustrated every time the person would end up asking for another chance and doing all other sorts of emotional torture. In the end, I decided to stop being nice and to ignore the person altogether.

But I thought it would be different with the second, as we had something more than romantic relationship - we had friendship. And I still care about him, though not the romantic kind of care. I want him to succeed. I want him to be happy. I want him to have a good life. And I really want to keep him as a friend. But, as it turned out recently, I think it would be another failed attempt.

So what do you do when you want to be friends with an ex but the ex can't move on? No matter how much you want to keep the friendship, there are times when the only option left is to let go.

Not All Things Are Easy, And Not All Questions Have Answers.

I feel butterflies in my stomach - not the good ones, though.

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This lesson can be hard to accept, but I guess this is the only thing that'll really work in my situation right now. So today, I tell myself this:

You can't wait for things, for your desired outcome, to happen without you doing anything. You need to do something. Because no matter how you pretend that everything's alright, you can't escape the hard reality that something is wrong - and it's starting to eat at you. 

See? You're restless and bothered and fearful. The problem won't disappear, no matter how much you wish it to. And things won't go back to normal unless you face the issue head on. 

Deal with the mess today and don't prolong the agony. Because the longer you hold off, the longer and deeper the pain that you will create. Do it now. Do it gently. And do it fast.

Inside my mind, though, is this question: HOW? Nobody told me how to handle this kind of situation.

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Dear C: I might be hurting you, and I'm sorry. I just don't know how to do this right.