There Are Times When Words Don't Suffice.

And you find release in music.

There are moments...

When you've got a lot to say but you can't say them.

When you feel like your chest is all but ready to burst, and yet you have to remain composed, maintaining a facade of calm.

When things get too complicated and all you want to do is break free and go away - but you can't.

... And you find release in a song.

Sometimes, It's Really Just Black or White.

Gray areas are confusing. They leave too many loopholes. And sometimes, we can't trust ourselves to do the right thing and fill those loopholes with the correct choices, choices that will make everything better.

Gray areas are merely an escape, a delaying tactic for many. These areas exist when people refuse to choose between black and white, opting to stay within the boundaries of that safe zone until they have made up their mind and realized that they're finally prepared to stick with a choice and deal with all the consequences of that choice.

Gray areas are to be avoided at all costs. Yes, we must recognize that they exist. After acknowledging their existence, however, we must have the conviction to move on and get out of that safe zone, towards either the black or the white. 

Because the longer we stay inside that gray area, the more the confusion that we create. Yes, that area is safe. It can serve as a means of escape for a while. It can save us from the inevitable - for a while. It could give us the delay that we need while we are still trying to sort out our emotions and make up our mind. But, we shouldn't get too comfortable in that area.

Because one day, when we finally feel we're ready to move on and make our choice, pick between black and white, it might be too late - and we lose both options.

Reminder to self: Make up your mind. Fast.

Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help.

This is another lesson that I am yet to really learn. It's not in my nature to ask help from other people - I prefer to deal with situations on my own and handle problems by myself. That's because I'm not comfortable bothering others, and also because I value my privacy too much.

But while being self-sufficient is a good thing in general, my tendency to refuse to ask help sometimes makes things harder for me. There are issues that are too overwhelming to face by myself, and burdens that are too heavy to carry alone.

I'm actually facing such a problem right now. And because no solution seemed enough or fitting anymore, and I'm actually at a real loss as to what I should do, I decided to finally open up to someone and ask for advice. I talked to my sister.

We've such a different personality. She's younger, but she's bolder. She's "cool" about many things, as she likes to put it, whereas I'm too cautious when dealing with stuff, especially stuff that involve people.

It was a joy just talking to her, because not only was I reaffirmed but also because she made me look at my situation from a different perspective - one that I would not probably consider if I was not able to talk to her.

I felt better just talking, sharing with her the issue that's been eating at me for a few days now. And her practical advice was a huge help. We don't totally agree as to how I should handle some aspects of the problem, but she respects the way I want to go with it and I also respect her opinion.

This is actually the first time I ask her for advice on something like this, and this has made me realize how much I'm missing by refusing to ask for the help of the people around me - especially those who are really close to me like my sis.

And now, I feel like this would be the start of something better. Cheers for sisters!

Not All Things Are Easy, And Not All Questions Have Answers.

I feel butterflies in my stomach - not the good ones, though.

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This lesson can be hard to accept, but I guess this is the only thing that'll really work in my situation right now. So today, I tell myself this:

You can't wait for things, for your desired outcome, to happen without you doing anything. You need to do something. Because no matter how you pretend that everything's alright, you can't escape the hard reality that something is wrong - and it's starting to eat at you. 

See? You're restless and bothered and fearful. The problem won't disappear, no matter how much you wish it to. And things won't go back to normal unless you face the issue head on. 

Deal with the mess today and don't prolong the agony. Because the longer you hold off, the longer and deeper the pain that you will create. Do it now. Do it gently. And do it fast.

Inside my mind, though, is this question: HOW? Nobody told me how to handle this kind of situation.

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Dear C: I might be hurting you, and I'm sorry. I just don't know how to do this right.