There was a time in my life when I told myself I wasn’t capable of establishing a personal and a deep relationship with anybody. And I’m not speaking only in the context of romantic relationship – I’m also speaking in the context of friendship. I was too restless to settle. I love my privacy so much. And I don’t believe in best friends. Call me cynical, but I don’t. I do believe in friends, though. And close friends, too. But in best friends, and the exclusivity that comes with being someone’s best friend – I don’t.
I have friends, mind you. I have friends at the office. I have friends from elementary, from high school, and from college. I have D Corz. I have my team. I have my former students. And I still make new friends now. But, I have a hard time dealing with exclusivity and everything that comes with it.
There have been a couple of instances in the past when I went away from prospective friends and friendships because of this. In the beginning, everything was going well. We would hang out together and share ideas and experiences with each other. We would even share secrets. For a while, everything would be fine… Until it didn’t seem right anymore.
There came a time when I already felt my privacy was being invaded, when these friends became a little bit more clingy. They would tell me everything about their life and expect me to tell them everything about mine. In the office, they couldn’t wait to share with me everything that’s happening in their life, and right when I was so in the mood to work. They couldn’t wait to share every little detail of their life with me. And I guess that’s fine, after all we’re friends. But it didn’t seem right to me.
Long story short, I felt trapped. I felt I was losing a certain percentage of control over my life, that I was forced into doing things I didn’t want to do. And in the end, I hated being in that particular situation. So I walked away.
I felt guilty, knowing in my mind that my friends didn’t do anything wrong. I think they were just doing what they thought was normal for friends to do. But that’s just it. I am the one with the issue.
I value my privacy a lot. I love my freedom. I love to be friends while still being able to move freely within my own space. I want full control over my life. And that’s still how I feel until now. So tell me – is this normal?
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