And as for me, those moments almost always catch me during late afternoons. And the effect is almost always sadness. For no apparent reason.
I don't know what's there during this time of day, not sure why those moments should come at this hour - around 4pm to 5pm, when people are supposed to be relaxing after the day's work and the world is preparing for sleep. It especially happens when time is passing slowly, during those moments when I'm not occupied with any worldly stuff or any task I'm supposed to finish.
These episodes used to come frequently years ago when I was still in the province - maybe because back then, I always had a lot of time to think about stuff, about life in general. Fast forward to the present, my time is usually occupied by work, by the internet, and by many other supposedly grown-up things. And, I often feel like in a hurry; time has become a luxury these days - I often miss the slow days I used to enjoy in the province many years ago. Life was simple, satisfaction came about easily, and I had no problem appreciating even the smallest stuff.
It's different now. I have less time in my hands. And, moments like the one I mentioned don't come as often. But, when they do, the impact is the same. I still could not pinpoint where the emotion is coming from, but it's there. Sometimes, I think, it could be the sadness brought about by unfulfilled dreams, triggered by regrets over things I've failed to do, all buried in my subconscious. Sometimes, I wonder, could it be emptiness trying to surface? Those empty spaces in the soul that I've tried to fill up with things and ideas that I thought would suffice to complete my being? Could it be those emotions of sadness that I've tried to bury underneath masks of smile and courage and indifference, all piled up together to haunt me every time an opportunity, an opening in my consciousness, comes up? That could be it, or many others.
Moments like this - they come out of nowhere and they often surface during vulnerable hours. But, as much as these moments often leave me confused, wondering, bothered... Looking back, these are among the moments in my life that have made me feel most alive.
These episodes used to come frequently years ago when I was still in the province - maybe because back then, I always had a lot of time to think about stuff, about life in general. Fast forward to the present, my time is usually occupied by work, by the internet, and by many other supposedly grown-up things. And, I often feel like in a hurry; time has become a luxury these days - I often miss the slow days I used to enjoy in the province many years ago. Life was simple, satisfaction came about easily, and I had no problem appreciating even the smallest stuff.
It's different now. I have less time in my hands. And, moments like the one I mentioned don't come as often. But, when they do, the impact is the same. I still could not pinpoint where the emotion is coming from, but it's there. Sometimes, I think, it could be the sadness brought about by unfulfilled dreams, triggered by regrets over things I've failed to do, all buried in my subconscious. Sometimes, I wonder, could it be emptiness trying to surface? Those empty spaces in the soul that I've tried to fill up with things and ideas that I thought would suffice to complete my being? Could it be those emotions of sadness that I've tried to bury underneath masks of smile and courage and indifference, all piled up together to haunt me every time an opportunity, an opening in my consciousness, comes up? That could be it, or many others.
Moments like this - they come out of nowhere and they often surface during vulnerable hours. But, as much as these moments often leave me confused, wondering, bothered... Looking back, these are among the moments in my life that have made me feel most alive.
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