Memorized Prayers Do Not Go To Waste.

People attack the Catholic church for many reasons - for patronizing saints, for using images, for the rosary, and for many other of its practices. One common Catholic practice that some people question is its use of written prayers - such as The Creed, the Our Father, and the Hail Mary. People say these are not effective because they are merely recited from memory, not from the heart, and thus they don't have meaning. In the past, I could, in some way, understand the point that these people are raising - that memorized prayers often lose their essence when recited.

Today, though, I already understand the role that these forms of prayer play in the life of people who have the faith.

Prayer is also a way of life, a form of communication with God. But, like all other forms of communication, there are times when prayer also fails. There have been instances in my life when I find it very difficult to talk to God. I would prepare myself for prayer, only to find my mind wandering somewhere else - and prayer fails. I would try to talk to God, only to find myself at a loss for words - and prayer fails. I would search myself for all the things I want to tell God, only to find emptiness - and prayer fails. 

There are certain instances in my life when talking to God becomes a huge challenge because of several reasons. Sometimes, I get distracted and my mind gets occupied by a jumble of thoughts. And then recently, I've been having a hard time praying because I feel I'm not worthy to come to God because of sin - that feeling which comes with the knowledge that I am living a life of sin, and talking to Him becomes very difficult because I am overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and unworthiness. During instances like this, prayer becomes a big challenge. And even when I attempt a conversation, I usually end up feeling like all the words I utter are hollow and meaningless.

Just this morning, a solution presented itself just before I fully woke up - memorized prayers. I recalled the lines of the Our Father and recited them in my mind, allowing myself to extract meaning from the words and to feel God's presence in the written lines. It was not an instant success, but I felt something there - some emotion, some connection, some stirring in the soul. 

I know that God understands this dark phase in my prayer life and in my relationship with Him, and I know He sees what's inside me - He can hear the voice of my heart even as my mind and my tongue fail to find the words. I trust that He will work His miracles to pick me up and lead me forward until I get through this. For the meantime, memorized prayers shall be my guide.