2 of 3 Series: 14 Lessons on Love, Loving, and Relationship

So here's the continuation to my post the other day - some lessons about love that I have written in 2011, and how my views about them have changed (or remained). The first part of this post is HERE.

-----

5. That we need to love ourselves before we can truly love others. > Some people say that true love is love that exceeds one's love for himself, but I do not believe that. Because true love can only come from a fulfilled person, and we can never be fulfilled if we lack self love. Others' love cannot sustain us if we don't have love for ourselves. And the absence of self love makes us incapable of loving others. Because loving others without loving ourselves... That is often motivated by our unconscious need to gain love. In this case, we give only because we hope to gain - to gain something that we cannot give to ourselves.

6. That true love isn’t all about the here and the now. It is made up of the past, the present, and the future all in one. > Loving here and now, regardless of the past and the future - this is one of the biggest misconceptions about love, and it is one misconception that has caused many people suffering. Loving requires acceptance (and not ignorance and neglect) of the past, as well as a look at the future. You love your partner, but he has always been an alcoholic in the past. You love your partner, but he cannot see himself settling at least in the next five years (whereas you plan to get married and see yourself settled in three years). These are practical things that can easily get lost amid feelings of passionate love. But then again, love isn't about the here and the now alone. Sooner or later, these realities will come haunting.

7. That friendship can sustain whenever love occasionally wanes. > I cannot stress enough the importance of being friends with our lover. Because sometimes, friendship becomes the only common ground left between two persons in a relationship whenever things become a little shaky. In the end, if everything doesn't work, friendship can be the only thing that remains. And yes, lucky are those people who are friends first before being lovers (lucky me in my present relationship), but that doesn't mean that those who become lovers first cannot be friends anymore. In fact, as a romantic relationship grows, friendship can grow along with it.

8. That without God, a relationship is doomed. > And it's difficult when one of you believes in Him, and the other doesn't. Heck, the fact is that there's difficulty even if both of you believe - if you don't have the same level of commitment in your faith. If you are the one with the stronger faith, you will most probably feel an obligation to carry the other (and that can be tiring, I tell you). Or, your partner might soon pull you away and cause you to slack off. Soon, guilt will probably eat at you. And if you don't handle that feeling well, you might end up resenting your partner for not supporting you, at the very least. As for me, I hope I don't end up that way. I'm still working on it, and God help me.

9. That love isn’t all about pleasure. It involves joy and pain and a whole mix of good and bad emotions that blend into each other to create the real experience of true love. > Most of us have an ideal picture of love, and I think there's nothing wrong with that ideal picture. After all, if we don't hope for the best when it comes to love, it won't be possible to hope for the best when it comes to anything else. This ideal picture may soon cause disappointment when we find out loving is not all rainbows and sunshine. But, all these can actually strengthen love in the end. In some instances, after all the experiences - both good and bad - most of us will look back and agree that it was better that we have loved, and lost (if that is the case), than not to have loved at all. The heartaches are often worth it.

10. That it’s passion which keeps a relationship interesting, but it’s love which keeps it lasting. > While passion can mean getting happy-crazy about the other person, or being head over heels in love, true love is not always about that. True love transcends all that. After all the buzz and the craziness, true love prevails. It can remain quiet, still, calm, but in those simple things it can be content. And when passion subsides, true love can carry us through.

-----

Lessons 11 to 14 will be posted next time. Happy reading! :)