It's Okay Not To Like Someone.

This is a realization that is somewhat connected to one of my previous posts - this one. I mentioned in the post that we shouldn't expect everyone to like us.

In the same manner, I realized that it is also normal for us not to like everyone. As we journey in life, we will meet people who will not be pleasing to us. People who will not meet our standards and who will have a different set of values. People who, as I have told a friend, will not be compatible with us because of personality differences.

And that is only normal. Therefore, it is important that we forgive people who don't like us, and we also forgive ourselves if we find there are people that we don't like.

It's all the same. And as I said, it's perfectly normal.

Communication Makes All Things Better.

Today has been a tiring day, though not physically. I had an emotional conversation with a friend who I was having an issue with for quite a time now.

I'm not really the type of person to open up easily to people. I'd rather listen than talk. I'm not very comfortable talking about my emotions. Maybe because it makes me feel vulnerable. Or maybe because I see it as a weakness. Or, as my housemate once said, maybe because I'm just too proud.

I'd been so used to bottling up my feelings and thoughts to the point when I could not contain them any longer. And in some instances, when I reach the point of not being able to contain them anymore, everything just explodes. Not healthy, I know.

Well, I am slowly learning to open up. I am slowly learning to talk about the things I feel. I am slowly learning to give concrete words to my emotions and to describe them clearly for others to understand. It's a process that I have a hard time learning - feels like I first have to undo all the years of behaviors that led to this habit or tendency, and then start all over.

And if there's one thing I'm learning about all these, it's the fact that talking is good. It feels good to unburden by sharing feelings, by being true to what I feel, and by being courageous enough to share my emotions to someone, no matter how uncomfortable it is at first.

Communication makes all things better, and I'm thankful to all the people who are helping me learn to communicate more efficiently.

We Can't Expect Everyone To Like Us.

I know, this is one rule to happiness - to remember that we can't please everyone, that not all of the people we meet will like us. 

I should be mature enough to know this, right?

Well, yes. But, there are still situations when I get affected and feel bad every time I find myself confronted with this issue. I've been battling with my tendency to be a pleaser ever since I realized how bad the effect it was having on me, and in many instances I have succeeded.

Every now and then, though, comes a situation that brings back all the negative emotions I've tried to do away with during the past years. Every now and then, I would be facing a challenge that would put all my previous efforts to the test. And in certain instances, I would realize that I've not really totally gotten rid of this unhealthy tendency. And then I would feel like everything I've done has been put to waste, that I've not actually advanced from where I'd been before.

Here I am still, wanting to please people, feeling the need to get others' approval. And every time I get affected by others and feel bad about it, I know I'm not only feeling bad because someone doesn't like me. More than that, I feel bad because I realize that the pleaser in me is still here.

So, how should I react? I've always believed emotions are beyond our control, that they're neither right nor wrong. 

I realize I must forgive myself every time I feel this - every time I face a similar situation and fail. I shall get affected and feel bad, yes, but I must remember that this is part of the growth. That I'm not yet done growing. This could be a lifetime process, but that's life - some changes, especially big ones, take a long time to occur. 

I know I have to face whatever challenge is thrown my way. I know these are all part of the test, and someday I shall reach that level of maturity that I've been hoping for. So today I may fail, I may feel disappointed, but at the end of the grieving and the frustration I shall pick myself up and move forward, advancing a little from where I've been.

I shall make this!